What Scares the Snot Out Of Me
I know what you’re thinking. Snakes, rats, roaches, maybe hockey mask or clowns.
Nope. All those things are fine and dandy.
Well, okay, maybe they’re not fine and dandy. If I found an uninvited snake or rat living in my house, I do believe I’d freak, then call the exterminator—or my husband—and then freak out some more.
But none of those things is what really scares the ever-loving snot out of me. And what drives me insane is that whenever I admit what does scare the snot out of me, people inevitably laugh. But my fear is real, y’all, and I’m here to declare what gives me the heebie-jeebies and makes me twitch spastically like nothing else.
Yuck. Imagine me convulsing here just typing the word. Those things are slimy and bumpy and jump out at ya. They hide and blend in with the grass so perfectly that you can accidently step on them and feel that squishy texture under your feet—BLAH!!!
Others are tiny, and they can tuck themselves inside your door handle so that when you go to open your front door, your hand closes around their little disgusting bodies and you scream bloody murder.
That may or may not have happened recently….
I don’t know why fairytales exist, putting the horrifying thought in little girls minds that if on the off chance they kiss one of these vile things, they could potentially meet their prince. That’s just wrong, people. Wrong. On so many levels.
And why is it that certain women think it’s cute to decorate their kitchens and bathrooms with figurines of these things? Would you really want those little suckers hopping around near your food, or splashing out of the toilet? I don’t think so. And when people like me—because surely I’m not the only one who finds these creatures twitch-worthy—see these items in your kitchen, we lose all shred of our appetite. Hmm, perhaps that’s your evil intent after all.
No, I’m here today to tell everyone that while yes, chainsaws and scythes and bats and rodents do register on my horror scale, they in no way compete to the tiny, vile creatures living in my backyard.
I’m waiting for the day Hollywood wises up and makes the movie Descent of the Frogs…not that I’d go actually see it, mind you. I’d be too busy convulsing in the aisle. But it would make a killing, I tell you. A killing!
What about YOU, lovely readers? Anyone with me on the whole frog thing??? Please let me know I’m not alone!! And if frogs don’t do it for you, what ‘weird’ phobias do you have?
My Super Sweet Sixteenth Century by Rachel Harris
Publisher: Entangled Publishing (September 11th, 2012)
Reading Level: Young Adult
Paperback: 304 pages
Series: My Super Sweet Sixteenth Century, #1)
On the precipice of her sixteenth birthday, the last thing lone wolf Cat Crawford wants is an extravagant gala thrown by her bubbly stepmother-to-be and well-meaning father. So even though Cat knows the family’s trip to Florence, Italy, is a peace offering, she embraces the magical city and all it offers. But when her curiosity leads her to an unusual gypsy tent, she exits . . . right into Renaissance Firenze.
Thrust into the sixteenth century armed with only a backpack full of contraband future items, Cat joins up with her ancestors, the sweet Alessandra and protective Cipriano, and soon falls for the gorgeous aspiring artist Lorenzo. But when the much-older Niccolo starts sniffing around, Cat realizes that an unwanted birthday party is nothing compared to an unwanted suitor full of creeptastic amore.
Can she find her way back to modern times before her Italian adventure turns into an Italian forever?
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